Valentine's Day: Not just for the couples

Bah Bah.  No wait.  It's Valentine's Day.  I've been in that place where it's Valentines Day and you're a Single Girl in the City but wish you weren't.  Well, I've always taken solace that this is an opportunity for single guys and girls to go to a fabulous party downtown.  There are great Valentine's Day Party's in the city to go to and have a great time and look good doing so.  Chicago Magazine has a great party for singles, if your looking for direction go to Metro Mix and you will find lots to do as well. With an open mind and open heart you never know how the night may end.  You could meet some wonderful men and make some new friends. 

All the partying and laughing will completely change your perception of Valentine's Day when your single. Cheers!

What are your plans for Valentine's Day?  Share with us! 

Would You Date A Man with No Means To an End?

The dating world can be tricky but we have the power to choose who we date.  So with that power, would you purposely choose a man who doesn't have an income, car or home?  Apparently this is a trend that women are adopting more and more.  One woman told me she's really crazy about the guy she's seeing now.  She says he helps her out a lot with sex, picking up her daughters from school and little odds and ends around the house.  I simply nodded and responded, "Well if it works for you great."  I am truly confused by my associates choice, she is a person who is always saying she wants a dual income household but she chose the opposite.

Another girlfriend of mines dated a guy who posed as a gainfully employed man but she found out later he had no means to be heard of.  No car that was really his, no place to live and no money to take them out or feed them.  She said it just kind of dawned on her one day that this guy was totally taking advantage of her. One day she arrived home from work and told him to get out!  I guess that's how you do it.  Get your stuff and go dude.  I thought her story was pretty funny and she was smart to make a call the minute she saw what was really going on.  It was complete with animated facial expressions and swear words.  I thought LIFE what a hoot.

My personal choice is to choose someone who is my equal in regards to wanting to provide something to our bottom line.  That's the smart girls way of thinking when your out in the dating pool.  Sex is great and having a good time is nice too but no one wants to go ten rounds about why the light bill wasn't paid. 

Maybe your a rich girl who likes to foot the bill for everything.  Go for it!  But be cautious those kind of people will keep coming back to the well.  To them your no more than an open checking account.

At the end of the day life is precious don't waste time on people who may just be interested in getting the best of it for themselves. 

I'd love to hear your thoughts.  Visit me at www.thedatingfactor.blogspot.com 

 

The Power of a Good Women, a Man's Perspective

If your like me you probably spend time trying to figure out what will make your guy happy.  Its true that Men are truly from Venus and we are from Mars so how do we bridge the gap?

It's called Communication.  I know its sounds like an old story but actually it depends on who your talking to.  Ladies nothing can settle hot coals like coming to your man and sitting down on him OOPs I mean sitting down with him and talking about his feelings.  Any guy whose seriously into you will tell you exactly how he feels.  Its up to you to take what he's saying to heart.  The way to a man's heart has been said to be through his stomach but I have to say its through ummm his ego. Yes that's right his ego. If you have a good relationship he wont keep that ego securely hidden from you.  He will not only let you in he will pull up a chair so you can cater to it properly. 

During interviews with men ages 39 to 44 about "The power of a Good Women" I got up close and personal with the mans perspective.

Eddie, 39 Says that he really enjoys the simple things from his mate.  He enjoys a surprise walk in the park after work, showering together or a simple dinner in front of the TV with his girl. "I love it when we just sit and talk".  Made him feel close to her in their at home spaces. 

Clay, 41 Likes the expensive stuff.  He likes it when his lady plans a night out on the town dining, drinking and dancing.  "We don't do that kind of stuff too much anymore but once every few months its a good time".  Made him feel like she still thought he was sexy.

Danny 44 Was so excited to tell me about what his special lady does that made him feel like a million bucks.  "I really love it when my girl heats up hot oil and rubs me down from head to toe.  Its like the best thing in the world to me!" 

Its clear that a definition of a good woman is the compilation of many things and many different needs.  Every mans love language is different its your job to figure out what each others love language is so your minds truly are talking to each other.  For me it was just nice to hear men feeling so good about being close with their significant other.  Love is Grand! 
  

Are You Ready For Prime Time?

I hear a lot of talk from Men and Women that they really want to be with somebody nice.  This is definitely a reasonable request. However there is Homework that should be done before going on the pursuit to find your perfect mate. You have to ask yourself if you are ready of "Prime Time".  Meaning, do you have yourself together mentally, emotionally and financially.

Imagine two people who get together based on surface ideas. They both attractive and are visually attracted to one another. But once the first, second and third dates have passed things become more intense. It's after the preliminary period that the real "Relationship Building" starts.

While your Single realize that spending time alone is great. This is the time that you figure out who you are, your likes and dislikes. Make sure you understand what kind of man or women you are wanting to meet. It's a great time to pay off any debt that you may have as we'll. Finances play a huge role in a grounded relationship. If your finances are not together this could cause a problem further down in the relationship.

If your still hung up on another person it would be a good idea to get emotionally healed. It's a good idea not to take any old baggage into a new relationship. This is a new start to the possibility of!  So be open to seeing a Therapist to create a new way of thinking and clearing the way for LOVE to happen.

I'm a true believer that a good relationship can and will happen if you do your homework and start within. If you don't want to date yourself why would anyone else?

And last but not least get out there! It's healthy for your self esteem and mental stability to interact socially with people of the same and opposite sex. If your highly motivated on your dating track at this stage get online and plug in to Internet Dating.

There's a mate for every person so prepare and declare that you will be successful. Show yourself friendly and be optimistic that its going to be a good journey.

Red Flags: Dating Men in their 40's. Never Married. No Children

If your a single woman dating in her 30's, there's a good chance you could meet and start dating a man in his early to mid 40's.  And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.  That's perfectly healthy and makes a lot of sense on the surface. 

But if your a single 30 something year old woman with no children and dating a 40 something year old man who has no children and has never been married in his life you may need to seriously evaluate the relationship.  In an attempt to save time it would be adequate to sit down with that person and ask them if they desire children.  Any other answer beside Yes means No.  This is very important.  If he says for example, "I never saw myself with children".  That is him saying No I don't want children but I do like you so I'll give you a half baked answer to keep you around.  

You may want to mention what a surprise it is that he's never been married.  Find out what he thinks about marriage.  If he for example says "he really likes his autonomy and the quiet".  He's a hermit.  Find somebody who wants to be a couple and hated being alone all the time.

If you have no desire to have children or already have them and don't particularly want to be married then he's perfect for you.  But be aware that he may have commitment phobias and this marks as a red flag as well.  

Asking questions is just a part of uncovering needs and wants.  When he wants to ask you questions he will, so don't get all passive in your relationship house when you should be inquisitive.  

The key is this: Listen to what someone is saying to you.  It can save you a lot of time and possibly disappointment down the line.  It absolutely means lots!  

Choose to date wisely!  :) 

  

Artificial Insemination: A Woman's Choice

Being single has its highs and lows.  The good definitely out weighs the bad being a single woman.
The freedom to go when you want. Travel when you feel like it.  Just throw caution to the wind if you like.  Having an enormous amount of flexibility is great.  But more and more late 30 somethings and early 40 somethings are realizing they are in a decision making place to give birth soon.  The number one reason has been that a large number of women are without a partner or husband.  Well in today's world women no longer have to feel like they have no options and will never bare children of their own.  Today we have "Reproductive Endocrinology" that will help you have a child.  When I first heard about this option and how available it is to almost anyone I couldn't believe it.  In fact I thought it was a great option in comparison to the latter "no child because I'm single".  I say thank God!

I've done a bit of field research on this and you can get all the information you need from your Gynecologist.  It's that simple!  The cost will vary depending on the type of Health Insurance you have and what process you will need. But its all very feasible for the working woman.

If you were in a situation where you were in a race to beat  your Biological Clock would you use this as an option?  And is there anyone out there who disagrees with this option of giving birth?

Post on my blog: www.thedatingfactor.blogspot.com

What Should You Do? White Flag Sometimes....

There are so many of us who are dating and are at the edge of it all.  And what I mean by on the edge of it all is that moment when you know the relationship your in is either going to take a right turn or a left turn.  You look around and suddenly realize its decision making time. Your at a breaking point.  You don't care who was right or who was wrong.  Who made the plans to go wherever,  Who said what in a disagreement.  The bottom line is, is the Love you have in this relationship enough to keep it together?  Now if both people in the relationship feel like this then its easy.  You just Love each other unconditionally and that's great and go right.  These people were in the same place at the same time.

But most people aren't as successful in Love because they live in fear that they are going to loose something.  Loose autonomy, control of their stuff.  But by the end of their life they've spent so much time protecting their autonomy, stuff and space that they end up alone. Missing out on all the blessings that God has already laid out for them.  It happens all the time.
The answer is No, Love is not enough to someone who doesn't really love you.  I say this because it takes two.  Two people to build it up and make it into what they want it to be.  One person cannot be the happy, positive end of things and the other grim and not hopeful.  It just wont work.  Basically when your having stupid ass fights that you didn't start and get pulled into.  You have to wonder if the person your dealing with is trying to sabotage the slim remains of what used to be the high point of the day which was the relationship. If this is true your better off to wave your white flag and give your heart a break.  Sometimes you just have to walk away even though you wanted it to work and you still feel love.  The insults, negative comments and attacks on you as a person is not a sign of love.  Just walk away.


The person who is bringing down the curve has to first humble themselves because that's a big part of LOVE.  Then when they see you slipping away they make the move to say, I don't want to live my life without you.  If that is not happening move on.  Take all your positive energy that you gave from day one, your love and optimism on life and go.  Don't wait until the person who is negative in the relationship starts poking at you, being mean to you.  Putting you down.  Telling you what you do wrong, just giving you the grey side of everything.  You think to yourself I'll be positive and give positive feedback and they will have to follow my lead.  Don't do it.  This person has already robbed you of all your power and positive stuff.  They were weak, you built them up and now they think their better than you.  They wont give it back to you.  If you find that your not getting it back at all.  You've come to your own resolution.  If someone cant see how great you are and you have to remind or tell them.  You'd be better off single until you met someone who could appreciate you for you.  Not for what you'll become or what you have done.    There's nothing wrong with you.  The only thing that's wrong with you is being with them.  Be with someone who is going to smile when they see you all the time.  Yes even when they are tired.  I call that Love.  Real love transcends.  It doesn't grey and fade.  


Fear and Love cannot live in the same house.  Love is open to the possibility of........

I think we all deserve that much.  To those in relationships on the edge, life is precious don't let anyone rob you of happy joyful moments.  For those of you who have given up on love, don't!  Its right around the corner.  And to those of you who are in love and love each other successfully.  I say nourish that love and know that you have both been brave to trust that you can have God's Promise.  Special people deserve special people.  Love is important.  I wish you all much love and success in your relationships.