Online Dating: Nay or Yay

My guess is that most of us has tried or is currently using an online dating service.  My experience with the Match.coms and Eharmony.coms have been bad ones.  But if you have tried these sites at least you are trying to create the possibility of meeting someone good.  The downside has been that you never really know if the information that was provided is altogether true.  Is the guy really 6 feet tall or is he 5'6? Is she gainfully employed or just looking for a sugar daddy?  Is he really looking for communication and a committed relationship or a "Hook Up"?  

You just don't know.  I personally feel that if your going to roll the dice and these are your odds you may be better off just getting out there mixing and mingling among the opposite sex.  At least you know who your meeting at "face value".  We have to stop being lazy and get in the game.  Hey!  You gotta play to win.  

Whats your take on online dating?  What have your experiences been like?  Please share your thoughts.

The Ex: Friend or Foe

Dating can be so trivial.  They say it's a jungle out there; but I refuse to accept that statement.  I believe that we will ourselves into some or all of the good and bad situations that happen in our lives.  This leads me into the possibility of dating your Ex.  I know I know, its like "Oh no", don't go there. But I'm going there because it happens, bad or good.  Sometimes the ex may really be reaching out because they feel they have truly made a mistake and want to build again.  Sometimes it may not be to your advantage to take the risk.  So in the case of the Ex, Friend or Foe?  Whats been your experience?  Let me know how you feel about going back to the familiar.  What happened?  Cant wait to hear from you!

Single for a Time........

You live in a great city.  The best resturants and social events ever and as attractive, witty and intelligent as you are youre S I N G L E.  I'm sure lot's of you go over this question in your minds at least 2-3 times a week even with your busy schedules.  I've done the same but I came to a conclusion this past month. Everybody loves sugar but everybody shouldnt have sugar.  Let me clarify; just because your single and attractive doesnt mean that you are compatible with just "anybody".  It has to be the right mix, the right circumstances, the right time.

I know that not having that definite date on Saturday nights gets a little frustrating but if you refocus your energy on what you want and not who you want things may began to turn around.  It may not happen overnight but it will happen! Energy is key.

Ladies if your single don't stop doing those things that makes you feel special, pretty and happy.  If you got your nails done every 2 weeks while you were in a relationship you should continue to do so.  This is who you are and that shouldnt change.  If you got your hair done weekly, you should continue to get your hair groomed.  That goes for going to Victoria's Secret too!  I love that place online and in the stores.  I have to treat myself because there should never be a reason to not "live well".

So Single beautiful people get out there and live your life.  Mr. or Ms. Wonderful is not far behind you!

You go!   :)   

When it comes to Dating: Stick to your first mind..

This is one of those times when i use myself as an example of date dont's!  I typically don't stray away from my first mind when it comes to dating but recently I decided to go with the flow. 

I met this guy from Dallas I'll call Frisco.  He asked me out and I said yes.  He sent me a text asking if it was okay for him to bring his sisters, a cousin and a sisters co worker.  Yes he sent a text asking me this the day of.  I was not pleased with the delivery of what he was asking or the what he was proposing but I thought maybe it will be a surprising yet refreshing outing.  And guys please use a freakin phone to communicate.  Don't men know that women hate that. 

When he got there it was nice to see him again he was pleasant and I felt welcomed.  His sisters were very nice and welcoming as well. 

He decided to ask me how old I was.  Then responded that it was nice to go out with someone mature.  Mature?  Mature as in aged wine or Mature as in smart and witty.  Either way I don't ever want to hear a guy I barely know say I'm mature AKA boring and old.  Which is BS in the first place.  I was thinking dude I'm in my 30's your 45 so who came up today?  Yes I did just sigh.   

Here's the problem:  Dating as we all know is stressful enough but to have to meet the family too is a bit much!  It was a little overwhelming although they were sweet people it was too much.  You cant really get to know someone with all those people "at the date".  It was too much for me. I just wanted a simple evening out with a nice guy for dinner and possibly a nice walk in weather we don't get very often. 

All in all I felt I'd met a couple of great girls who I hope I'll see in the city again.  But Frisco kind of missed the mark with me on making a connection.  Him calling me again is not something I'm looking for.  Whats next the whole family? 

Hopefully the next date will blow my mine. 

Sincerely Confused in Chicago.  :)

To Give Birth or Not to give Birth? Thats is the question.

Life is a wondrous thing; its also a complicated thing.  When did having babies become so complicated?  Back in the day it appeared that people got married and pregnant just like that.  No muss, no fuss.  But today its become stressful.  Women today have more things on their minds besides just giving birth.  Theres the option of a high pace career or an extensively busy social life.  Or in some cases not meeting the right guy to marry and have babies with.  What does one do then?  Then women are forced to say: should I give birth by other means or just say no to being a Mom? 

Its a tough question and alot of women are not ready to have this conversation.  The key is to be honest with yourself about not only the possibility but the probability. I truly believe when that feeling of wanting to give birth and have children comes, its hard to ward off.  With todays technology women are able to conceive with or without a man present.  My feelings are if you want a child, to go and speak with your OB/Gyne and find out what are the best options for you and go for it! 

Life is a gift.  Live it!  :)

Tell us your thoughts........

Is it too late to find true love after a divorce and or children?

                                               My thoughts are; its never too late to find Love! 

Truth be told one needs time to heal from the storm and bad weather the world can sometimes give us.  But once you have regained your strength, dignity and self confidence, your ready for the world again.  Ready to date and win! 

Everyone and everything needs love.  Dont let a bad experience rob you of the hope and dreams that your heart desires.  Go get your blessings!  There just waiting for you!  All you have to do is walk through the door and its yours. 

Be prayerful.  Be positive.  Be projective.  Be your own hero.  :)   

Should there be a time frame on when you have Sex with a new love interest?

The answer to this question is going to vary depending on who your talking to and what their goals are.  Now if you don't have a focus or a goal in regards to relationships be it in the present or the future you may not believe in a "Time Frame" for being intimate.  In order to make this an informative one to grow on I will have to explain what it truly means to be "Intimate" with someone.

An intimate relationship is a particularly close interpersonal relationship, and the term is sometimes used euphemistically for a sexual relationship.
Intimate relationships play a central role in the overall human experience.  Men and women have a universal need to belong and to love which is satisfied within an intimate relationship.  Intimate relationships consist of the people that we are attracted to, whom we like and love, romantic and sexual relationships, and those whom we marry and provide and receive emotional and personal support from. Intimate relationships provide people with a social network of people that provide strong emotional attachments and fulfill our universal need of belonging and the need to be cared for.(Wikipedia)

Physical intimacy is characterized by romantic or passionate love and attachment, or sexual activity.
The characteristics of an intimate relationship include an enduring behavioral interdependence, repeated interactions and emotional attachment.
There are several stages in intimate relationships that have been identified: the beginning or development stages (attraction and dating), relational maintenance and repair (forgiveness), relational stressors (conflict and betrayal), and relational termination (models of dissolution).

Based on what you've just read clearly lays out why there should be a time frame for when one is sexually intimate.  So if we can see how important and fragile this is why do most of us jump into it so carelessly as if there were no strings attached.

Every time you decide to be sexually intimate, based on what is true you are giving a large part of yourself up to chance and risk.

The chance that this person may be unloyal, dishonest, the risk that this person could hurt you emotionally or even physically in regards to disease.  As adults its so important to treat each other with respect as we take people with us emotionally and spiritually.
 
Typically it is the woman's choice to say "Lets take our time to get to know each other".  If he doesn't want to wait, it should be just fine for him to make his way to the closest exit.  No one needs that kind of pressure from a grown fool.  Your obviously on two different planets.

Ladies if he is someone you are truly interested in don't be foolish and give all your good stuff away thinking this will keep him.  One thing has nothing to do with the other.  Theres so much more to a truly great relationship and him saying he wont stick around if sex isn't on the menu Month 3 isn't one of them.  See ya later punk!

And stop making excuses for making poor choices.  Its time to get your shit together and get a relationship that supports you!  We can do it! 

I'd like to know what you think about saving something special for someone special or in some case not saving it.  Let me hear it!  I know your burning to tell me what you think. 

I'll be looking to hear from you.......

Should you stay friends with someone after a fresh breakup?

In the world of everything that makes sense, absolutely F**!%*! not!  It's just not healthy for either male or female.  Especially if the relationship ended and your still in love with the loser.  I can tell you what you need is distance and lots of it.  This time should be spent reinventing yourself as an individual.  Its too hard to try to be the same when something life changing has happened in both your lives.  If your still having dinner together, speaking to each other daily on the phone, sleeping in each others beds with or without sexual relations.  As long as your behaving as if nothing has changed, you will not be able to get on with your life let alone find somebody else or just to take a deep breath.  Living in denial will only further turn the knife in the wound. 

I have watched people and myself keep going back because its comfortable and then leave yet again because that same person either hurt or annoyed the hell out if you forcing the both of you to say goodbye again.  Its not worth hurting yourself over and over. You'll have to put on the tough skin and be firm and tell yourself NO! 

Trust me your going to be okay.

After some substantial time has gone by, for some it may be okay to engage in friendly conversation.  But lets not fall back into the same comfortable routine because your feeling lonely.  Do whatever you have to do to get yourself elevated to a new and better place. 

It's hard to say goodbye to your old best friend but when or if a relationship ends its time to make a space that's just for and about you. The focus is healing and you cant meet a great person if your all scarred and torn. 

Id like to hear what you do when you have been in this vulnerable place and if you are still trying to get along with it.  Maybe I or someone else may have a word that could help you get up and get on with your wonderful life!

Please let us know how you feel.  We just cant wait!  :)

Older or Younger?

There has definitely been a shift in the dating pool in regards to age.  I see younger guys with older women, younger women with older guys.  I can see how that may happen in our society where the world is in a dating frenzy.  The question is how old or how young is too much!

It makes since if you are talking about a 5-6 year difference speaking rationally in reference to adults.  But lets keep it real, if you are 35 you are not going to be checking for a 48 year old.  It just doesn't make any real sense.  My concern is that you'd run out of things to talk about considering the huge age gap.  Difference in lifestyles, life experiences and even fashion.  And don't try to pull off the premium jeans and your knocking on 60.  Well that's only if you don't have a banging body.  If you do you may be able to still pull that one off.  But I think we've seen some older men and women looking real crazy in stuff that just doesn't look right.

Not to mention the embarrassing looks and glances from your peers and strangers.  Whether you like it or not you are always the center of attention and a human spectacle to talk about.

Of course there is always that extra thing that may make you feel like "its okay".  He or she is totally loaded and willing to give you full access to everything they have.  But then you have to ask yourself are you willing to compromise your self-worth for a few coins.  Your body, youth and missed experiences all for a little change? Not to mention you better really like your new title: GOLD DIGGER and the laughs that will follow.  Its a tough choice especially if you chose an older mate without the bells and whistles.  Sorry to say that's a little crazy but again these are all life lessons. 

I'm interested in knowing what your main preference is in regards to age.  Do you think it matters and why? 
Look forward to hearing from you soon.  Leave us a message on the board.  We wanna know.  ;)

Surface or Substantial?

Whats important to you?  A fine body, dynamic smile, always dressed to impress.  Basically when you need to show off you know you need this person with you.  That person that makes you go; Is it getting sexy in here?

Or The best personality, attractive, intelligent, articulate, attentive and a total addition at any business function.  That person you know your parents would be so happy to see you with to know you were in good hands. 

Well hopefully when we are choosing a perspective mate we are not so extreme of one persona or the other.  But it is a problem if your only selecting based on one criteria or the other.  So which is it?  Surface or Substantial.  I personally like a combination of both.  Someone who is dynamic!  Variety is the spice of life so a perfect blend of the right stuff makes Jane a happy girl and Jack an ecstatic boy!  I'd like to hear what you think about choosing Surface people or Substantial.  Don't worry about sounding superficial I promise I wont hold it against you.

His Bed or Yours?

The bedroom is a pretty sticky place (no pun intended) for some of us.  We need our things to be just the way we like it.  Are you the type that likes to keep your things untouched and perfect?  For example do you always prefer to go to her house to spend cozy evenings together in bed or is it equal?  If its not equal you need to start asking yourself some serious questions about commitmnet. 

If the sharing is an issue of your place not mines, maybe you should switch it up to even things out or evaluate the seriousness of where you are.  I wouldnt go jumping up and down about it but a easy suggestion in the direction of switching bedrooms should happen.  If that conversation is rejected; dont get upset but dont reward bad behavior.  Simply cut off communication for a while to see where that persons level of commitment with you lies.  30 days or less will tell all.

Where are you sleeping right now with your significant other?  Your place or his?  I'd like to know what you think about this hit me right here on "The Dating Factor".

With Child or Without? Thats the Question.

Most women and men have a list of preferences that are deal breakers when dating the opposite sex.  Some people wont date a person who lives in another state, has a roommate or doesn't make a certain amount of money.  But what happens when your deal breaker is dating someone who has a child from a previous relationship?  For quite a few people this is a deal breaker. 

I've had the experience of dating someone who had a child and I must say it was more trouble than it was worth.  Heres why this can be troublesome:  When your single with out children you pretty much do whatever you want to do.  However if you mix a single person with no children and a single person with children you get unequality.  Theres sometimes a conflict with scheduling of time, no spontaneous meetings or too many unplanned meetings.  The feeling of settling started to enter my mind and after a while it felt like I never left my job.  I have to say it wasn't a whole lot of fun. 

I'd be interested in reading what you have to say about this.  Obviously this is a deal breaker for me.
If your new romantic interest has a child is it a deal breaker for you?
If you decide you want to continue dating someone with children, heres some tips:

http://www.wikihow.com/Date-a-Man-with-Kids
http://prettygoodarticles.com/tips-for-dating-with-children-after-divorce/