Your Best Friend; Your Competition

Go ahead and admit it.  When you go out with your best friend there's a little competition silently at the table.  Of course you love her deeply but all is fair in love and war.  If a super hot guy approaches the two of you with light weight conversation your game face goes on.  The eyelashes start to flutter and its every woman for herself.  Now the right thing to do once the guy has made his pick is to gracefully exit stage left and excuse yourself.  But some of you will stick around and jealously block any advancement of conversation between them.

Look there are plenty of men out there, he just wasn't it.  Instead of being upset you should go and enjoy the event your at and meet more great guys that will be begging to speak to you.  So wear a cute outfit and get your hair and nails done because your friend probably will.  Just joshing. Treat each other with respect and have each others back. Because that's what a friend would do. 

Have Fun & Happy Dating,

Kimberly

Who's The Man In Your Relationship?

 

 



If that question made you actually think about you and your guy for a split second, you may have a problem.  Truth is there a lot of women who are wearing the pants in their relationships.  I always say you have to let a man be a man.  And I still believe that, but what about when no one is playing the male role in the relationship?  A natural response would be for that woman to fall into the role without being aware of it.  A woman needs to feel like she can lay back and be a woman. Its important for her to be that for her man so that she can feel safe being passive in his presence.  The need to release the wheel and allow her man to take the lead. 

 

If your feeling like you have to take care of everything in the household, work, pay the bills, walk the dog, feed the children and make the reservations for "date night" you might be feeling like the man in your relationship. 

 

In these particular situations I suggest a conversation take place about roles in the household and a separate conversation about matters of the heart.  Because you should know that no one wants to get it on with "Control Freak Barbie".  And that's what you'll be if you go day in and day out without talking about what's going on at home. 

 

Express the need to be able to take a more passive role with the household and daily tasks by splitting up the responsibility.  Make sure you give examples so that he can clearly identify what needs fixing. Once he starts implementing what was discussed he will see a change in you not only around the house domestically but also in the bedroom. This new change will create a new energy in the relationship that will transcend into a new daily behavior everywhere.  Communication is always the key.  When things appear off balance you should always assume that the other partner is unaware.  You have to give each other a chance to be the relationship you always thought you could have. Until next time, respect each other and love each other.   

 

Happy Dating,

Kimberly

Dating 101 Tip: Dressing The Part

Have you ever gone out on a date dressed to impress, smelling lovely and ready for a great time and have your date show up unprepared?  Unprepared as in dressed like he's going over to the neighborhood hangout or a bar. Can you say uncomfortable?  It's really a nightmare to go out as a couple on a date and you look polished and he looks like he just rolled off the couch. Sound crazy, well it actually happens.

What this kind of behavior says is that he was too lazy to really put forth an effort to wear appropriate clothing for your date.  It is my advice that you should wait until after your home and call the person and ask why they came to the date dressed inappropriately.  Its healthy to communicate with the people that come into your life.  Now if they think their outfit was perfectly fine then they need to be coached and trained on how to dress.  The only problem with this is that not everybody is going to want a project to transform a grown man.

Now if you decide you want to go that route and the guy just blows off your concern then you have a choice to make.  You can continue to date him knowing you disapprove of his juvenile attitude to dress appropriately or you can find someone more suitable for you.  Someone you won't have to check before every outing.

It's all about choosing someone that you feel fits. These small queues discern between what is right for you and what isn't.  Trust yourself.

Kimberly.

Tell Him "Thank You"

Everyone has been in a bad relationship before. Most of the time when a woman has broken up with a man because they were not getting what they wanted they have been sad and angry about what they see as a loss.  But I want to give you another view.

Ask yourself a few questions:
1.  Are you a better person than you were when you dated him?
2.  Are you further along in your life's experience such as finances, friendships, career etc?
3.  Are you somebody you would want to date?

Hopefully all the answers to those questions are "Yes".  If you really think about it, all the life experiences you've had with an ex boyfriend has taught you something about yourself and life.  It has helped you respond better to certain situations that have arise.  It has helped you know who you are and know what kind of man you want and need.  So the next time you see him or think about him you should smile and say "Thank you".  Had you not dated him and broken up with him you would never have gotten to the good place your at right now. 

Life is funny that way, just when things look bad you realize that you have received God's favor.  Kiss him goodbye and move forward.  Just say hey dude Thank you!

As always Happy Dating,

Kimberly

You Slept With a Guy and He Stole Your Stuff!

You can never be to careful these days especially when your dating.  It sounds incredibly ridiculous but this kind of stuff actually happens to women.  I recently had a conversation with a lady and she told me she went on a date with a guy and she decided to sleep with him that evening at her home.  The next morning all her jewelry and the diamond bracelet on her wrist was gone. 

She didn't know where he lived and when she tried to call his cellphone of course it was disconnected.  Now I have to say I did feel angry towards the guy that did this to her but its partially her fault too.  You know I love supporting us women but when you missed it I have to point it out to you. Bottom line it was not smart to have some strange man at your house that you don't know.  It could have been worst, she may have never gotten the chance to tell me that story.  He was obviously crazy and dangerous.  And now not only has he gotten away with her things he had sex with her too.  It's actually a little comical but in all reality you have to have your eyes open and ears alert. 
Please don't let this happen to you.

As always Happy Dating,

Kimberly

Date Night: Not Just For Singles Anymore

Date Night is coming around again.  Every Saturday presents the opportunity to go out on the town with that special someone.  But sometimes we forget and things get stale.  Outside of Saturday I'd like to also propose a little time in between to keep it HOT HOT HOT in the relationship. 

I was just speaking to a close cousin of mines and I was congratulating her on her and new hubbys set date nights.  Their starting off on the right foot. They went to the see the Bulls play.  Nothing stimulates a man after a long day of work than a little Bball to the wood sitting besides his beautiful woman.  She reported later that it was a wonderful evening.  Way to go! 

These special times together are so important when your married.  With all the things that life throws at you it sometimes proves challenging to squeeze in a little couple time.  One way to ensure you and your boo get together for a little one on one is to communicate your schedules.  Then make a clear cut schedule for nights to do things.  If your stuck on what to do or where to go well let me help: 

1.  Wine Tastings -  What a better way to relax after work than to have a calming drink and a long stare into each others eyes.

2. Art Museum

3. Live Jazz

4. Baseball, Football or Basket Ball Game

5.  Romantic Dinner  (Always a winner)

Here are some great venues to try in your search for romance. These venues and restaurant's are for that couple that needs to be jumpstarted to ten because its been a while.  Either way these will only turn the situation UP!  Promise me you wont hurt each other:

• Geja's Café - Close and stimulating
• Girl &The Goat- Sexy and Energetic
• Vera's- Intimate
• Henri- Classy that leads to a Riveting night
• MK restaurant - Romantic

This is a good list to get you started. Need more tips on igniting the fire.  Email me at kimberlyhawthorne1972@gmail.com. 

Good Luck & Happy Dating! 

Kimberly 




   

Dating Married Men: Give Me A Freakin Break!

Because this type of thing happens so frequently we have to further peel back the layers of what kind of woman would start seeing a married man on purpose.  Most women who will date a married man fit into one or all of these characteristic's:
 
1. Low self esteem***************
2. Desperate as Hell*********
3. Has daddy issues and is looking for someone to fill the void. ***
4. Needs mental help such as a Therapist to work through underlying issues. *********
5. Is just a tacky person that has no God in them.  No moral values.   ********

I said on purpose because sometimes these situations may occur with a lie.  There are men who pretend or pose as if they are Single and will even take off their wedding rings to date outside of the marriage.  Here's a tip to a man or woman who cheats.  If you don't want to be married get a freakin divorce and stop musing the area for any woman or man that would be willing to cheat with you.

Okay ladies when you meet a man, you don't just take his number and go out on dates with him without doing a bit of research.  You have to be smarter than the average bear. Its not okay to date a married man or anybody who is married.  Actually if you just speak to the ladies in your social network you can quickly find out if the man who is pursuing you is Married.  It works every time, especially on those guys with particularly large egos and large salary's. Their arrogance is a dead give away and it will be easier to obtain this kind of information.   You probably wouldn't have to make more than a few calls.  Very easy! 

If the loser happens to be married, afterwards you get a big laugh because you get to send him a nice text message like: "How's that marriage thing working for you?"  Loose my number, your a creep!  This will leave him guessing how did she find out?  And probably to move on to the next possible victim.  Ladies don't be a victim! Don't be that girl. It's just stupid!

If more women took social responsibility of these type of interactions with married men we would all be better off. 

As always happy dating with  (SINGLE PEOPLE)

Sincerely,
Kimberly

Facing the Pain

Sometimes in life things that we didn't want to happen occur.  The key is how we decide to deal with the situation.  In most cases we go straight to denial mode because were not ready to face what has happened and we have no idea on how to go about solving the problem. 

There are usually multiple parts of the problem that are like a puzzle all mixed up in a fish bowl if you can imagine that.  This would be a hard puzzle to put together for anybody.  The best thing you can do is focus on what you "can do".  I would suggest writing down all the things that are running around in your mind.  For example if you are going through a divorce, miscarriage, loss of your job or a recent breakup, write down in your journal  for example "Need New Position" and all the different issues that are attached to that issue.  Once you can see what it is your dealing with you can better prioritize what your plan of attack should be.  If your unable to move forward and be productive I would suggest a good therapist to get you moving in your life and your journey. 

By all means if you are grieving a loss of something, there's nothing wrong with spending some time alone and crying it out.  This is normal and you shouldn't be ashamed of that. In most cases it's not just a surface thing that is loss.  There's the loss of a dream such as a baby or a successful marriage.  When these types of losses happen you are in "Survival Mode".  This means your doing everything you can to just survive and be okay with yourself.  Don't worry about what other people think.  You just need to focus on being okay with yourself.  This is how you will escape long term depression, big time denial and fear of living your life.

These things will take some time.  Take the time to rest your mind and body and then get on to the bigger tasks.  By rest I mean sleep!  Get lots of sleep and don't feel bad about it.  One step and one day at a time.  I did it and so can you.

This goes out to all you Survivor's out there!   

Sincerely,
Kimberly

Running Into Your Ex's...Oh umm can you say uncomfortable?

In a city of 2.7 million people your bound to run into an Ex or two.  It's just going to happen.  I personally look forward to the opportunities to run into the few men that I have dated been intimate with.  I believe that no matter what your relationship status is at the time of the run in its really a good thing.  You get to do a quick assessment of yourself and evaluate your growth from that time in your life. Hopefully you find that your a better person and thank God you didn't stay too long at the circus. 

Most women would like to take all their ex's and put them on a forgotten island never to be found again.  Is that about right?  And of course the only reason for that is because the person broke your heart or just was a total asshole.  In my case I have broken up with most people on good terms, with a few nasty ones give or take but everyone's not going to love you on the way out the door. 

If you happen to run into an ex remember, this will be over as quickly as you face it.  Its too late to turn around at the market now.  Also make sure you smile and keep good eye contact this will help especially if it was a bad one.  Give a simple hello, nod and a curt smile and that should do it.  You walk away unscaved and looking like a grown up. 

Leave the scene knowing that the probability of you running into that person again anytime soon is slim and you can go on safely moving through the city. 

Keep your head up.  Happy Dating.

Kimberly XOXO   

Is there anything wrong with a single woman waiting with God? A response to Blood, Sweat and Heels cast member on Bravo

I was watching a new reality show last night called Blood, Sweat and Heels and was a little uncomfortable and surprised with something that one of the ladies on the show said.  It was so terrible that there's no other way to say it than to just say it; so here is the scene:

One of the ladies was doing a video piece on fashion in a fashion market in New York.  The other lady that has a relationship blog asks her friend so how is dating going for you? Have you been seeing someone?  Her response was basically that she was focused on her career and her relationship with God at this time in her life. 
The girl with the relationship blog said " Well God is nice and all but you can't fuck him".  What a horrible horrible thing to say.  How socially irresponsible.  I would think she would know better than to make such a terrible statement in regards to the Lord on national television. 

It's upsetting that this is generally an African American casted reality show and this is the kind of nonsense that were hearing from one of them already.  It's absolutely disastrous!

Just so you know God is everything and without God we can not hope or dare to dream, live, laugh or love.  Read the bible and take care in speaking such things to the entire world.

Shaking my head?????? 
 

Is Your Heart Securely Locked Away?

I woke up this morning with a song playing in my mind that I haven't heard in many years. Its an oldie but goodie and didn't realize how great a message was in the song until my brain downloaded and played in my head like a romantic love sick girl.  It was the song "Have You Ever Loved Somebody" by Freddie Jackson. 

I would really like for you to have a listen to the words of this song.  Is there someone that is exactly what you've always wanted but your so afraid you have pushed them out.  Lets talk. 

I know it's hard sometimes.  I'm talking about taking a chance with your heart.  Of course you know how to take of your heart just fine.  Its the people that you've allowed to come into your life and unfortunately break it.  I understand that whole heartedly however know this, in the dance of finding true love there is a risk factor involved.  Without taking a risk we will never give ourselves the opportunity to find and uncover the man of our dreams. 

Your probably saying, "you have no idea what I have been through.  He really hurt me.  I'll never let that happen again.  I'm sorry that happened to you but I don't want you to miss out on the good stuff that God will send your way to give you stars and butterflies for your pain in the past.

There is a wrong and a right way to uncover what it is you are looking for.  Caution is required and necessary when welcoming someone into your personal space.  This is how were going to do this:

1.  When you meet somebody find out who he is.  And I mean ask questions!  Your job right now is to peel back the layers and find out who he really is.  I need you to be patient because this may take some time.  Enjoy yourself in the process but don't miss the opportunity to get as much information as you can during your interactions.

2.  Do you like who he is?   So this is simple.  By who he is I mean do you feel good about what he does for a living, his politics, is he a sensitive person and is he sensitive to your feelings.  Is he satisfying your emotional needs?  If you like flowers does he bring them? The key is in the details.  These are building blocks.  And if he's the right guy they will become building blocks to your heart.  But you have to do the work, its the beginning and all the other standards I have been teaching you are still in place.  Stay focused. 

3.  Is he treating you the way you "need" to be treated?  Now notice I didn't say "want" to be treated.  Needs are so important and sometimes we look right pass needs to wants.  Typically when we finally get our needs met we end up having fulfilled our wants as well.  I'm speaking about the Core.  Our needs are the Core of every area in our life.  If that's met especially in love we are in a good place.
Everyone needs to be treated differently.  Some women like to be spoiled, its just the way their wired.  Others may be the simplest women in comparison and don't need that to be stimulated emotionally.  But however which way you are wired is the way that man can speak to your emotions.  It's important you keep a journal and find out what it is you "need".

4.  Keep your eyes open.  That guy that is always there for you no matter what but you keep at an arms length.  Its time to really look at him and see how he fits into your life.  If he disappeared today would you be sad?  Would you miss him?  If that's true its time to make a date and allow him to show you who he is and what he may have in store for your future.  Now if you uncover he's not the one.  That's fine but be clear that he is and will always be in the friend zone. Now you can remove him from blocking and truly be open to the right guy.  Sometimes we create borders so that we WONT have to date.  In this case "My Really Good Male Friend".  Don't fool yourself.  If its nothing cut the strings.

5.   Stop making excuses.  Don't trick yourself into being single forever!  Its time to breakout of your shell.  Dust off your fitness membership and get yo life.  Because nobody else can get it for you.  Trim up! Doll up! and get you some business.  There's a man out there with your name on him.  He's just waiting for you to show up!  If you don't he will walk away with somebody else.  That should be fuel to get you going on your road to dating and mating this year.

So with these important points you are well equipped to let down the bars to your heart.  You now know how to proceed in the right way and what to look for.  Know this, you are human and there's nothing wrong with that.  But now is the time for you to have what you want.  Go get it! 

As always love you and Happy Dating!

Kimberly.   

It's A New Year: What Not To Do When Dating

Hello Ladies!

It's a new year and I have to say I was all to happy to say goodbye 2013 and hello to 2014! Do you know what this means?  It means you get another chance to reach new goals and hit new heights. Another chance to WIN!

I wanted to start the year off with a little tough love.  I know you may not want to hear it but its a must if you are to reach your goals of success in your dating house.  I'm going to make this easy so here they are, what not to do when dating:

1. Do not let strange men in your house.  Whether it be to "use the bathroom" or just for a night cap, its a NO-NO.  He could be some nut and you wouldn't know it because you just met him.  He could rape you or just be plain crazy. 

2.  Don't let a stranger for a first date pick you up at your house.  You may not even like him now he knows where you live.  Just not a good idea.  Better safe than sorry.

3.  When you do go out make sure someone knows this guys name and phone number and if possible where he lives and any other important details. 

4.  Don't drink too much on a date in the early stages of getting to know a man.  You want to make sure you are alert and present so that you get to know him and he gets to know the real you.  Otherwise what's the point.

5.  Last but not least and my favorite.  No sex with some guy who you just met.  If you don't want to appear EASY.  Don't be EASY. 

I hope that these are good starter rules to take with you going into the new year.  This year I want you to make some strides and meet some great prospects for a future.  Follow these simple guidelines and I promise you'll thank me later.  As always "Happy Dating". 

Yours Truly,
Kimberly!