When Should She Pay For Dinner?

This is a bit of a trivial question but some men in todays world believe that dinner should be a shared expense. Back in the day men believed in properly courting a woman. Which means that the man asks a woman out and he pays for her meal and anything else they may have done for entertainment that evening.  In my opinion there's nothing wrong with tradition.

In all respects there's nothing wrong with a woman paying for dinner but I believe that the woman should be a girlfriend.  At no point during the courting stage should a man feel comfortable with the woman paying for her meal.  Otherwise what's the point of asking her out and trying to win her affections.  Surely she could go out with somebody else.  This is his opportunity to win her over with his charm and attention to her having the best evening yet!  Some men simply wont hear of having his girl pay for anything.  Any woman who was in a relationship with a man like this and is presently dating runs into challenges dating these new age men.  She got pretty to go out and spend time with you so pay for dinner.  

So in response to one of my viewers questions, in my opinion a woman you are courting should never pay for dinner.  Once that relationship has shifted into a monogamous one the couple can decide how they spend their dining out and entertainment dollars as a unit.

I hope that helps and I look forward to your inbox messages and questions.

Happy Dating!

Kimberly

What To Do When He Has Hygiene Issues?

This has happened to most of us at one time or the other.  We go on a date with someone, they seem nice but the breath is just bad, or his clothing appears unclean etc.  So the question is if you like the guy enough to get to know him better, how do you tell them about their hygiene issues? 

I have been on a date where I thought the guy was plenty nice but his breath was literally on FIRE.  I had no idea what to do about it or what to say.  So I just tried to avoid getting too close while we were interacting.  The second date I figured maybe he was having an off day last time.  But he showed up with the bad breath again.  It hit me the minute I got in the car and continued to hit me from across the dinner table.  At the end of the date he came in for a kiss, as quiet as it was kept I was mortified as I was dying and trying to back up.  I was more concerned about being rude then dodging the worst germs ever.  After that date I had a plan that on the next date I would offer him Altoids or some other type of very strong breath mint.  Fortunate enough for me the third date was a complete failure for me and I didn't even get to a place of helping him. 

Its too bad he doesn't know why my guard was up.  It was his terrible breath.  This will probably keep him from getting close to other ladies should he continue to pursue dating.  Had things been different I would have pulled him to the side at the end of the date and told him that his breath was really strong.  I use the word strong to be polite and avoid hurting his feelings ladies.  I would also give some suggestions like colon cleanse, brushing the teeth regularly, using Listerine and flossing regularly.  If he is closed to any of this all bets are off.  Bad hygiene is simply not acceptable.

No one's perfect but you can be nice because its free.  If they don't want it keep it moving, your soul mate could be right around the corner! 

Stay positive!  I promise you'll thank me later.

Kimberly

 

Does Being In a Relationship Mean "Expect Cheating From Your Man"

 

Is it possible to be in a relationship with a man that doesn't cheat?  Well in a heated discussion at a gathering in the South Loop one woman made it clear that based on her experiences in life that its utterly impossible for a man to be faithful. With a full heart she shared how her father recently told her that while he is deeply committed to her Mother he had only been faithful the last 8 years of their 36 year marriage.  She said its fine with her if her man sleeps with other women because its primal and has nothing to do with his emotional connection which would only belong to her. 

 

I thought this way of thinking to be a bit narrow and rightfully so based on her experiences with men and now feedback from her father to back it all up. 

 

I believe you can have a successful relationship where there is no cheating involved. And it should never be okay for your significant other to cheat on you.  Its unacceptable behavior and this should not be rewarded.  You ignoring the behavior and or staying with no change in his behavior communicates its okay, so as a result he keeps doing it.  You first have to heal yourself before you engage on the journey of pursuing a healthy relationship.  When you know more you can better navigate on how to respond to certain situations in your dating house.

 

 It takes two to tango and both parties have to be on the same page with each other for it to work.  But both of you will have to be "All In" with it.  If your going to be in a relationship it has to be all the way as Frank Sinatra says in his song.  I shared with her that the key is communication with each other.  If you suspect your man is cheating I wouldn't recommend sitting around talking to everyone but him about it.  Respectful confrontation can happen, its all in the delivery of the communication. 

 

If you find that your mate is cheating on you and its too hard to bare and even takes you to a place where you cant control your emotions and mental stability.  I would recommend stepping away from that relationship and getting some therapy. This way you don't waste precious time in a dysfunctional relationship, get professional support so that you can move forward in your life to be a healthier happier you.  

 

Giving your heart is a big deal and it takes a lot of trust.  However if that person your giving it to doesn't realize that, its better to love yourself more.  Don't waste time with counterfeits.  God will send you a Blessing.  Never give up on Love. 

 

Happy Dating & Mating,

 

Kimberly. 

5 Ways To Be Sexier On A First Date!

For some ladies this is an easy task but for those who are in need of a little help here's some tips to make you feel like a winner from start to finish!

1.  Be the same you he is expecting or better.  For example if you say your not much of a drinker don't show up on the date and get totally wasted.  It will turn him off and make you appear flakey. 

2.  Wear something sexy.  This seems like a simple directive but some of you ladies have forgotten how to achieve this.  When in doubt check the internet, recent fashion magazine or your favorite celebrity to point you in the right direction.

3.  Act like he's the only guy in the room.  When you talk with him make sure you use good eye contact, this lets him know your interested in being there with him.  And make sure you smile!

4.  If things are going well a little touching of the hand or shoulder is a good indicator that you are feeling him and he will in turn mirror that behavior.  Never do this unless you are seeing non verbal cues that he's clearly interested as well.  Let him lead in this instance.

5.  Relax and have a good time.  Body language is everything, if your comfortable with yourself he can see that.  And nothing is more alluring than a woman who is comfortable with herself and her surroundings.  Have a good time!

For more tips on Dating Smart.  Visit www.thedatingfactor.blogspot.com  or inbox me on FB for a Dating Coach Session.

Cheers! 


 

Dont be Bitter Ladies; Be Happy for Her!

I was out this evening and it is just sad how bitter and jealous women can be.  If you can't be happy for other women and your a woman there is really something wrong on the inside.  I would first recommend that you get in a good bible based church and pray for the Lord to help you with this problem.  This kind of behavior is going to block you from other things in your life.  Snarling and sneering at a girl because she has it going on is silly and childish.  I've seen women be jealous because another lady was prettier, wore nice clothing, had a better hairstyle or had a better man than she did.  I was at a party once where one of the ladies was pregnant and the other ladies decided it was time to smoke like there was no tomorrow.  A couple of the ladies really wanted to be pregnant but had not been successful yet.  Instead of allowing the pregnant woman to be apart of the conversation at the party they smoked her out until she had to excuse herself and leave the party.  They were bitter and basically were saying "We hope your Baby Dies".  Yes women do these kind of hateful things to each other.  Don't be bitter ladies be happy for her.  Ask God to bless you with the desires of your heart instead of wishing the worst for someone else.  This kind of behavior will only push you further from what you want.  Focus on GIVING.  It comes back to you!    

Going It Alone: Artificial Insemination

Now you know this is really a hot topic.  If the subject comes up its like SHHHH but honestly in todays world this is a way of life for a woman.  I like to keep it real and this is a very real situation that working single women are faced with.  Whether or not to go it alone or just pass up your dreams of ever being a Mother is a thought that many Late 30 Something women lie awake thinking about.  I myself think its dated to sit back thinking that if you don't meet the man of your dreams by say age 37 that you should just give up and throw in the towel.  I was speaking with a lady at a dinner party and she was telling me how its over for her because she was already 40 and she knows that she wont be having children now.  I sat there and looked at her with great concern.  I asked her so do you believe in Gods Promise.  She said pardon me?  I said well don't you believe that God wants to bless you with the desires of your heart?  I told her I didn't think it was just by chance that we were talking.  I gave her some information from my cell phone that she could use for a good Reproductive Endocrinologist.  She suddenly perked up and a new expression was on her face.  One of hope and possibility for her life. 

I think the reason some single ladies don't look at this as an option is Fear.  The fear of being judged, or spoken about in a negative way.  Look its time to get with the program.  This is your life were talking about and if you choose to tell yourself you cant do or have something then guess what you wont. 

It takes an in charge kinda girl to say I want to have a baby so I'm going to Have a Baby.  Don't sit around using the fact you didn't find Mr. Wonderful yet as a reason that your life is bad and you cant have any babies now.  Yes I said Yet!  Just because you haven't met the love of your life today doesn't mean you wont.  You should live everyday of your life not every other month or so. 

Knowledge is Power so if this is something you want more information on go ahead and contact me via TheDatingFactor FB Page in a personal message and I'll respond to you.  Be an ambassador of you!  :)     

Being a mother is a wonderful gift from God that every woman should be able to experience.  Don't give up your dreams because you haven't found your husband yet.  God will provide.

Desperate Women Who Will Believe Anything. Why?

There's nothing I disapprove of more than a smart woman doing senseless things in their dating lives.  As I go around town, different women from different walks of life will tell me there most personal business.  I think it may have something to do with me being extremely personal and easy to talk to. Or maybe I just have a friendly face, nonetheless people just tell me stuff. 

For years whether I’m at the nail shop, work, or at a boutique ladies will spill their hearts out hoping for some good direction to take away.  They have been accepting bad behavior and treatment from the men their dating and even married to.  Yes I said married. 

I was sitting in the waiting room at the doctor’s office and a woman was telling me how her man had slept with other women but he could never love any other woman except her.  She went on to tell me that she knows that he loves her even though he slept with other women because he always comes back to her.  But at the same time she’s close to tears the deeper into the story she gets.  Why would an intelligent women let herself be treated like this on purpose?  Ladies the door is open.  It’s called free will.  Don’t stick around to be used and abused.  She obviously feels like she’s not that great.  Her self-esteem is in the toilet and she’s drowning.  I simply asked her, do you love yourself?  She said I do but I know he loves me. She was happy to believe that this guy loved her.  At that point I said nothing more because she clearly needed a Life Coach to deal with her emotional issues before she could see her full value where as she then would never subject herself to such nonsense in the first place.

Most people would think that married couples wouldn’t have these kinds of issues as much but it’s actually more prevalent in marriages than you think.  Most of the stories I hear from married people scares the hell out of me.  One colleague of minds is married and recently told me how her husband doesn’t come home every night.  When I asked her “where does he go?  She simply responded nonchalantly, “I have no idea and I don’t even care”.  Hopefully everything will be fine.  It’s just a phase; she says.  I was shocked at that response as I know how much she loves her husband but it appeared that she would accept and believe anything he was willing to dish out as long as they were “married”.  She is clearly in denial and needs individual counseling to climb her way back to what’s real in the present.  Ladies this is not a healthy way to live your life. I’m her associate and I didn’t want to overstep so I keep my commentary and opinions to a minimal level.  Even though I can clearly see she is in a destructive relationship, she has to be the one to realize the marriage is essentially over or she can choose to live in an unfulfilling marriage.  In marriage you’re “all in” so if things go left the best route is to get some marital counseling.  If that doesn’t work a separation may be the best option to either healing or ending the marriage.

These stories I just shared with you are a clear example of women being desperate and willing to believe or even create a world that is imaginary so that they won’t have to deal with their problems head on. 

People desperation doesn’t look good on anybody.  It stinks in all shapes and forms.  Don’t be a door mat, abused wife, cheated on girlfriend or a single girl dating in abusive relationships.  Stand up for yourself and declare that you deserve a better life in your relationship house. Don’t spend unnecessary time in a train wreck.  This is your life.  Move on.       

Would you Date Somebody Who is Not Attractive?

It's a little trivial but sometimes attractive people date unattractive people.  When those worlds collide you can expect for some pretty strange looks to those couples that is.  But I cant help but wonder why?  It clearly wasn't the attractive persons first choice.  So what happened?  I can tell you what happened.  Somebody got lonely or even possibly desperate.  And we all know that desperate isn't a good look on anyone.   I say even if your significant other is unattractive its up to you.  If you feel good about them it doesn't matter.  But if your ashamed, uneasy or embarrassed when you go to events, dinner parties or public places you are fooling yourself.  Don't spend the next 10-20 years pretending its all good.  Get what you really want and be happy!  Happy Dating! 

Confirming The Date: C'mon Guys You Just Gotta Do It

Hi Guys!  Have you ever asked a woman out and made plans to get together a week later or four days later and not confirm the date?  Assuming that she remembers the date, wouldn't it make sense for you to call a day in advance to confirm that's its still all good for say Friday?

Contrary to what some men believe us ladies actually have a life and if you don't get on the date book and learn how to follow up and show interest we may forget about it.  Or better yet push us into a "not interested" direction.  Show the woman some respect and call or text to say for example" Hope your having a nice day.  Looking forward to Saturday."  Then she will respond accordingly.  Just basic dating etiquette. 

If you can do that when you make dates with ladies, I promise you'll have started off being in a good place.  And granted the date goes well she will consider going out with you in the future. 

Happy Dating.  Have Fun!

Is Bad Sex A Reason To Break Up?

 

 

Sex is important in a relationship.  But its not the only thing.  If you dated someone and you were in an otherwise healthy relationship, is bad sex a reason to walk away from the relationship?  Would you stay or would you go?

Facebook Page Stalkers: Do You Have This Problem?

I’ve found over the past couple years that Men on Facebook use this website to hit on Women.  Now it’s a social media network so I get it but I have a problem with men not only hitting on you but stalking you out and making inappropriate comments communicated via FB Email.  Here’s an example; recently I had a guy ask me questions about my life that he had no right to ask.  I told him to stay in his lane.  There’s a difference between flirting and stalking.  He was clearly a stalker so I had to shut him down and BLOCK him.  Ladies and Men if you have someone sending you disrespectful posts or emails BLOCK them.  No one needs that, its annoying. 

There’s a correct way to flirt and even carry on some sort of dating on Facebook.   I’m however not a person that finds this appealing.  I recently was speaking to a female friend of mines who was saying that the men on FB are targeting women whom they believe are either easy, fragile or broken.  From experience I’ve found many Men to be broken so we can all go down that road.  I laughed when I heard her statement because I had to wonder, if this is true what a disappointment for all my stalkers and apparently delusional men who send random emails to me.  They have either ended up Blocked, Ignored or Cursed Out.  And I’m sure there are other women out there experiencing much of the same.  Nonetheless if you are a Man or Women who likes to stalk, oops! I mean try to date on Facebook be respectful.  Facebook is a social media network and it’s very enjoyable to reach out to and hear from old friends and family. 

Enjoy posting and keep it clean!

Couples At Bedtime: Does It Matter What You Wear?

You would think that what you wore to bed after seeing each other day in and day out, it wouldn't really matter what you donned under the sheets.  I first asked close friends and associates what they wore to bed with their significant others and got a myriad of responses.  Some ladies said they just wore boxers and a t-shirt, a couple said they wore whatever was available without much thought and the few that fell in my yes box on the subject said they really like to look feminine/sexy when they came to bed. 

So ladies here's one to grow on.  I spoke with single men in relationships and married men about their preference and they all said they really appreciated it when their woman came to bed looking feminine.  I know its not always easy especially after you've been working all day and just want to wind down in some sweat pants and a old t-shirt. But for the sake of your relationship and keeping it exciting everyday wearing a cute satin short set with lace or a fun nightie from Victoria Secret can be comfortable and alluring.  Sometimes its the little things that make all the difference. 

Just in case your lost and have no idea where to go to get such things I'll share some of my favorites:
Victoria's Secret, Fredericks of Hollywood, TJ Maxx, G Boutique and Wolford Boutique.  I'm sure all you ladies can find something sexy and sweet at these great retailers.  Also don't forget to buy him something to wear to bed too. 

Here's to keeping your relationships healthy and fun!    

Valentine's Day: Not just for the couples

Bah Bah.  No wait.  It's Valentine's Day.  I've been in that place where it's Valentines Day and you're a Single Girl in the City but wish you weren't.  Well, I've always taken solace that this is an opportunity for single guys and girls to go to a fabulous party downtown.  There are great Valentine's Day Party's in the city to go to and have a great time and look good doing so.  Chicago Magazine has a great party for singles, if your looking for direction go to Metro Mix and you will find lots to do as well. With an open mind and open heart you never know how the night may end.  You could meet some wonderful men and make some new friends. 

All the partying and laughing will completely change your perception of Valentine's Day when your single. Cheers!

What are your plans for Valentine's Day?  Share with us! 

Would You Date A Man with No Means To an End?

The dating world can be tricky but we have the power to choose who we date.  So with that power, would you purposely choose a man who doesn't have an income, car or home?  Apparently this is a trend that women are adopting more and more.  One woman told me she's really crazy about the guy she's seeing now.  She says he helps her out a lot with sex, picking up her daughters from school and little odds and ends around the house.  I simply nodded and responded, "Well if it works for you great."  I am truly confused by my associates choice, she is a person who is always saying she wants a dual income household but she chose the opposite.

Another girlfriend of mines dated a guy who posed as a gainfully employed man but she found out later he had no means to be heard of.  No car that was really his, no place to live and no money to take them out or feed them.  She said it just kind of dawned on her one day that this guy was totally taking advantage of her. One day she arrived home from work and told him to get out!  I guess that's how you do it.  Get your stuff and go dude.  I thought her story was pretty funny and she was smart to make a call the minute she saw what was really going on.  It was complete with animated facial expressions and swear words.  I thought LIFE what a hoot.

My personal choice is to choose someone who is my equal in regards to wanting to provide something to our bottom line.  That's the smart girls way of thinking when your out in the dating pool.  Sex is great and having a good time is nice too but no one wants to go ten rounds about why the light bill wasn't paid. 

Maybe your a rich girl who likes to foot the bill for everything.  Go for it!  But be cautious those kind of people will keep coming back to the well.  To them your no more than an open checking account.

At the end of the day life is precious don't waste time on people who may just be interested in getting the best of it for themselves. 

I'd love to hear your thoughts.  Visit me at www.thedatingfactor.blogspot.com