Alone on the Weekend Again?

You would think good looks, active lifestyle and a good job would equal great dating life.  If your living on the planet earth you know that's not necessarily the case.  Some of the reason's your spending your weekends alone are:

1.  You picked the wrong guy:  You are seeing someone but he's selfish with his time and doesn't make time for you.  Translation he's not taken by you at all.  Get rid of him.  That's like having 10 old sweaters from 3 years ago lying around in your closet.  If you keep the old ones how can you fit the new ones in that you can actually wear in the closet.  Bye!

2.  You have no idea where to find men your equally yoked with:  If your having trouble putting yourself in an open forum where men can find you GET ON LINE.  There are so many opportunities for solid relationships on many sites.  Stop being lazy and get with the program.

3.  Your waiting for him to show up at your front door:  That's never going to happen unless you want to date the pizza delivery guy or the pipefitter that fixes the furnace.  Ummm did I say Pipefitter.  LOL.  Just kidding.  Anyway you have got to put more energy into your LIFE!  If you don't, it wont happen. 

4.  Your making excuses and blaming it on work:  Guess what? All the people at work have a life and you are choosing not to.  Get up, Get Out & Get Something.  Stop fooling yourself that a relationship is just going to show up out of thin air.  Work to Live not Live to Work. 

5.  You don't think you look good:  Low Self Esteem believe it or not is one of the #1 reasons why women are not dating and are alone on the weekend.  There's only one thing to do; MAKEOVER!  Get a new hairstyle, get your nails done and buy some sexy clothing.  I promise when a girl gets a new look it almost changes her life and her mind.  Go get it!

These are some pointers to get you started.  Here's to that special someone finding you.  If you act like you want something better you will get it! 

Happy Dating!
  

Dating In The Workplace: A Do or Dont?

Most of us really take our work seriously, so we spend countless hours there.  In fact your at work so much you become really good friends with colleagues and co workers.  But what happens when work life meets personal/private life?  Its becoming more prevalent that men and women are starting love relationships at the workplace.

Workplace romances are commonplace. "Statistics indicate that anywhere from 40-47% of employees surveyed had been involved in a workplace romance. Beyond the 47% involved, about 20% indicated they were receptive to an office romance. Considering their popularity and vast amount of organizational and relational implications, they warrant study. Yet, they remain an under-studied topic." (2013. Psychology Today. Horan, Sean)

Some believe it's an ethical issue that in some cases is investigated by Human Resources.  I was told in an interview with an HR Director that this kind of thing happens more frequently than you would think.  She told me that depending on the proximity of the employees titles and department they would be allowed to date/marry.  If those employees work in the same department it would not be allowed and would need to be evaluated and a solution would be put in place.  That solution in most cases was to ask one or both employees to find other work or were simply let go.  She explained that as much as they would like to look the other way, it can turn into a liability to the company should these relationships go badly.

In my opinion and experience its a bad idea.  Yes you could actually find your soul mate at work.  The possibility in this happening is so likely because its like college.  Its your everything, simply because your there all the time and you start to cultivate these personal relationships with the people you see most; coworkers.  It happens all the time.

Can you imagine how tough it would be if you dated someone at work and you broke up?  It would be devastating to both parties.  Somebody's going to be more hurt than the other and eventually someone is going to want to be moved or even in the worst cases quit for another job.  The severity of the breakup could also cause it to be uncomfortable for co workers.  A Human Resources nightmare!

I know its hard but in my opinion try to keep your hands out of the cookie jar at work.  There are lots of other cookies elsewhere. 

Happy Dating!  

14 Signs He's Totally In To You!

14 Signs He's Totally Into You:

1.  He doesn't cheat on you.  Your too important to him so he wouldn't risk loosing you.
2.  He doesn't let a morning go by without a text or a morning call to let you know he's thinking of you.
3.  He takes you out on a real date. (A restaurant that he selected and made reservations to)
4.  It takes him forever to say goodbye. (He just cant get enough of you)
5. He answers his phone when you call and if he cant answer right away he calls you right back.
6.  He's a man of his word.  (If he says he going to do something he does it)
7.  Hell go out of his way to make you happy. ( Bring flowers to your door so when you get ready to leave, SURPRISE)
8.  He tries to be a better man. (He's somehow inspired by you and wants to show you his best as well)
9.  Your opinion matters to him ( Not only does it matter to him but he asks you what you think)
10.  He dresses to impress you
11.  He tells people your together (He cant wait to share with all the wonderful women in his life)
12.  He touches you and holds your hand in public (PDA)
13.  He takes care of you when your sick
14.  Your apart of his future plans (He has made summer travel plans with you in mind)

If you have a guy who is in line with these types of behavior patterns you have a keeper. 

Happy Dating! 

Domestic Abuse: How much abuse is okay?

Most people would think that if a person is being abused that they would leave.  The problem is that the person that's being abused doesn't realize that they're being abused.  So they take the abuse rather verbal or physical and make excuses to themselves and to others.

Is it okay for a husband or even boyfriend to threaten a women? To demean or break her spirit each day?  Its absolutely not okay at any level, but for some women in this type if situation they look at it as being "just the norm" and that things will blow over soon.  The pot can and in most cases will thicken if not tended to immediately.  I'd like to share some statistic's on domestic abuse and to give a view on how bad things can escalate when the woman stays.

• 25% of women have experienced domestic violence which is a result of 960,000 in a year.
• 503,485 women are stalked by an intimate partner annually.
• 4 women a year die each day as a result of abuse.
• On average, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends in this country every day.
• Violence by an intimate partner accounts for about 21% of violent crime experienced by women.

The reason I point out these important statistics is to show how horribly wrong abusive relationship's can go.  If you are being abused you should try to leave rather it be mental or physical abuse.  After you have established a new resident seek help from a Therapist to maintain or regain mental stability.
It's hard but you can do it.  The first step is the beginning for your life and the end to the abuse.

God Bless You!

Kimberly

Let Him Chase You!

This post is going to be short and sweet because its Friday night and there's no time to waste.  If you meet a great guy and you exchange numbers, do yourself a favor.  Wait for him to call you.  Most men are hunters, if you take that away from him you loose a little bit of your sparkle.  Let him chase you, call you and ask you out.  As long as you let him be a man everything should move in a natural progression. 

Good Luck & Happy Dating!

Kimberly

What Should You Do When He Tells You: Dont Tell People Were Dating!

Is this happening to you?  Are you thinking, am I making stuff up or does this seem weird? Are you questioning yourself wondering if your being too passive?  If your not questioning yourself you should be. 

Listen, if a man wants to be with you he's excited about you and is really happy to tell everyone everywhere that the two of you are an item.  It shouldn't be a big secret that your together.  Do you have a huge SINGLE status on your FB page?  And because you have been warned by him never ever to post a picture of the two of you out on the town your now questioning the validity of the relationship.  Has he given you a sit down conversation quietly about why he believes its important not to tell people or post anything socially?  Its embarrassing that it happened but you have to address this situation.  Because if you don't, you will never get what you want. Stop living in this imaginary land that he has created that the two of you live on. 

Your fooling yourself if you believe you are the only one he is seeing.  This is a clear sign that he is not exclusively seeing you.  And definitely has some commitment issues when it comes to you. 
He could possibly be seeing other women and telling them the exact same thing while sleeping with you.  There are clear signs to know if the guy your with is on the up and up.  Ignoring those red flags will not make them go away.  A guy that's WITH you will post a lovely photo of the two of you on his Facebook account as soon as possible.  He wants everybody to know this is my girl, Don't Touch!

Remember what I've told you the next time your smiling pretty with him for the camera.  See if he will allow you to post the picture on your Facebook.  If he says no and becomes defensive there's your answer. 

Stay savvy ladies.  Happy Dating!

Kimberly

Younger Woman, Older Woman Study: How Old Of A Man Will You Date?

It's a bold question but one that comes up in girlfriend conversations frequently.  While conducting conversations with different women of different ages I was shocked by what women felt about the older man?  The results were informative and mind opening, younger woman were more willing to date a slightly less attractive older man with the exception that he is financially stable.  Given that fact the younger women would date the older guy and pass by a younger guy who may not have all his ducks in a row so to speak.  The older women's response to dating older men was a concern of "Sexual Stamina".  Most of the older women felt that sexual compatibility was on the top of the list.  His financial status fell considerably below the importance that younger women rated the possibility of dating an older man.  15 years was the standard for the ladies in their 30's and the 50-60 year old women preferred a man 10-20 years younger than them.  So it was a difference between Financial Security and Sexual Stamina. 

What do you think?  Would you choose sex over finance for a prettier and tighter body?  Let me know what's on your mind when it comes down to it.

Even still dating should be fun.  Pick whom you choose.  Just be happy with that choice no matter what anybody thinks.

As always Happy Dating!

Kimberly

Is Age Really Just A Number?

I've been hearing so many conversations about dating older or dating younger lately.  It apparently is a big deal.  I believe that it all comes down to what your comfortable with.  There are many areas to look at that come with age.  If he's younger your concern might be is he professional, polished, educated enough for you.  Can you take him to different events with the confidence that he wont embarrass you in anyway.  Will you be judged in a negative light?  If he's older will he be able to keep up with you?  Are your interests going to clash?  Will you eventually get bored and long for the companionship of a younger guy closer to your age? 

These are all valid questions but again if you have answers for all of these questions then you can pretty much call it.  When you straddle the fence about it your prolonging the inevitable.  You will probably go with maybe not so much.  It becomes to complicated and the only way out is OUT. 

Age is important but happiness is important too.  If that person can fill a check in all your boxes of needs and makes you happy on all fronts go ahead and take the leap.  Don't worry about missing the bus if you turn this one down.  There will most definitely be another one around to pick you up. 

Stay Optimistic.  Keep Dating. 

Kimberly

The New Dating Ritual: Ugly Is The New Hot

I recently had a conversation with a friend about married women and their husbands.  She was telling me that a friend of hers really wanted to get married and have babies because the clock was ticking.  I laughed and responded so is she crazy about him and how does he look?  She responded he looks as good as anybody, and at the end of the day she has her husband and children.  So it made me think, women have evolved past the dream of getting exactly what they want but instead have made a conscious decision to get what they need.  Meaning if marrying a slightly unattractive man will land them a beautiful home, babies and some other perks they'd be willing to bite the bullet for their somewhat altered childhood dream. 

I then thought I wonder what the men would think to know that they were 2nd, 3rd or even 4th best in their current wives selection as a husband.  Then they are simply no more than a systematic approach to a means to an end.  Simply put sperm donors and maintenance men.  Now I'm sure they would be pissed to say the least. And if they did know what would they do?  Just a little something to think about.

So with knowing that women will select a guy that's not attractive but fits a certain criteria; is this the new way to date?  I believe that a number of women have and are dating and finding a mate based on criteria such as Salary, Career, Social Status, Education and Family values.  And of course the fact that he has treated her better than any other man has in her life.  These are big factors in a woman warming up to man that doesn't quite fit the bill but knows how to court her in a way that makes her rethink her original plan. 

So hot or not so hot but treats you right?  Choosing not so hot I believe is todays women's natural response to their environment in the dating world with what they have been given.

Until next time keep an open mind and keep dating!

Kimberly
  

You Paid For Your Own Food On A Date! What?

Okay Ladies,

If this is happening on your dates its time to do some restructuring.  Restructuring the way you choose men.  Any guy who respects himself would never let a lady he was with pay for her own meal.  If you find yourself in this situation simply pay for your meal and take a cab home.  He's a loser.  The message needs to be clear that you will not be going out with him again. 

He clearly doesn't know the rules of dating.  Go out with guys that ask you out and are respectful of you and your time.  It all about energy!

Happy Dating! 

Valentine's Day: One Last Thing!

Well actually its the first thing since most of us put on our underlings before we get dressed.  If your in an intimate relationship and are in a good place where intimacy is on the menu this is for you. 

Don't forget the lingerie/sexy undergarments.  Go to a Lingerie shop or just hit the Mall.  There are plenty of little sexy shops with treats etc.  Go for it!

If your guy is just the best thing since Santa Claus and the napkin then you should want to treat him especially nice after a lovely evening of wining and dining.  Here's your chance to sweep him off his feet.  How about have some special candles and wine waiting for both of you when you get back home.  Make it seem as if nothing special is going on and POW slam dunk him with light music ready to push play, wine, candle light ready to just be lit and a nice dance with you revealing your  sexy lingerie and sexy hair just for him.  You Go Girl! 

It will be the highlight of both of your nights.  And he will be so thankful you are his. 

Here's to having a romantic night!  Cheers!

Kimberly

It's Valentine's Day Guys; Do You Have Reservations?

Oh yes its love day once again.  Us ladies look forward to another opportunity be swept off our feet.  And who better to make it happen than the handsome guy that we have been spending our time with.  That's You!   

I'm here as a guide to help you get through this with flying colors and looking like a "Rock Star" at the end of the night or in some cases the next morning.

The first thing is getting reservations for dinner.  This is a must do! I absolutely love a man with a plan.  Most women are very practical and they will too.  So go to OpenTable.com and reserve your table for two now if you haven't already done it.  Its late already!

Make sure you buy a nice gift because us girls adore a man who is a giver.  We just feel excited about it!  And last but not least, give her some nice flowers.  Maybe she doesn't care for roses, that's okay get her a different assortment or her favorite if you know what that is. 

As a whole package deliver your evening with creativity!  Make it yours.  Make it shine.  This is the perfect opportunity to really impress that special lady in your life!  Go for it. 

You have everything you need.  So go out and have a smoking HOT night! 

Cheers!

Kimberly

Your Best Friend; Your Competition

Go ahead and admit it.  When you go out with your best friend there's a little competition silently at the table.  Of course you love her deeply but all is fair in love and war.  If a super hot guy approaches the two of you with light weight conversation your game face goes on.  The eyelashes start to flutter and its every woman for herself.  Now the right thing to do once the guy has made his pick is to gracefully exit stage left and excuse yourself.  But some of you will stick around and jealously block any advancement of conversation between them.

Look there are plenty of men out there, he just wasn't it.  Instead of being upset you should go and enjoy the event your at and meet more great guys that will be begging to speak to you.  So wear a cute outfit and get your hair and nails done because your friend probably will.  Just joshing. Treat each other with respect and have each others back. Because that's what a friend would do. 

Have Fun & Happy Dating,

Kimberly

Who's The Man In Your Relationship?

 

 



If that question made you actually think about you and your guy for a split second, you may have a problem.  Truth is there a lot of women who are wearing the pants in their relationships.  I always say you have to let a man be a man.  And I still believe that, but what about when no one is playing the male role in the relationship?  A natural response would be for that woman to fall into the role without being aware of it.  A woman needs to feel like she can lay back and be a woman. Its important for her to be that for her man so that she can feel safe being passive in his presence.  The need to release the wheel and allow her man to take the lead. 

 

If your feeling like you have to take care of everything in the household, work, pay the bills, walk the dog, feed the children and make the reservations for "date night" you might be feeling like the man in your relationship. 

 

In these particular situations I suggest a conversation take place about roles in the household and a separate conversation about matters of the heart.  Because you should know that no one wants to get it on with "Control Freak Barbie".  And that's what you'll be if you go day in and day out without talking about what's going on at home. 

 

Express the need to be able to take a more passive role with the household and daily tasks by splitting up the responsibility.  Make sure you give examples so that he can clearly identify what needs fixing. Once he starts implementing what was discussed he will see a change in you not only around the house domestically but also in the bedroom. This new change will create a new energy in the relationship that will transcend into a new daily behavior everywhere.  Communication is always the key.  When things appear off balance you should always assume that the other partner is unaware.  You have to give each other a chance to be the relationship you always thought you could have. Until next time, respect each other and love each other.   

 

Happy Dating,

Kimberly

Dating 101 Tip: Dressing The Part

Have you ever gone out on a date dressed to impress, smelling lovely and ready for a great time and have your date show up unprepared?  Unprepared as in dressed like he's going over to the neighborhood hangout or a bar. Can you say uncomfortable?  It's really a nightmare to go out as a couple on a date and you look polished and he looks like he just rolled off the couch. Sound crazy, well it actually happens.

What this kind of behavior says is that he was too lazy to really put forth an effort to wear appropriate clothing for your date.  It is my advice that you should wait until after your home and call the person and ask why they came to the date dressed inappropriately.  Its healthy to communicate with the people that come into your life.  Now if they think their outfit was perfectly fine then they need to be coached and trained on how to dress.  The only problem with this is that not everybody is going to want a project to transform a grown man.

Now if you decide you want to go that route and the guy just blows off your concern then you have a choice to make.  You can continue to date him knowing you disapprove of his juvenile attitude to dress appropriately or you can find someone more suitable for you.  Someone you won't have to check before every outing.

It's all about choosing someone that you feel fits. These small queues discern between what is right for you and what isn't.  Trust yourself.

Kimberly.

Tell Him "Thank You"

Everyone has been in a bad relationship before. Most of the time when a woman has broken up with a man because they were not getting what they wanted they have been sad and angry about what they see as a loss.  But I want to give you another view.

Ask yourself a few questions:
1.  Are you a better person than you were when you dated him?
2.  Are you further along in your life's experience such as finances, friendships, career etc?
3.  Are you somebody you would want to date?

Hopefully all the answers to those questions are "Yes".  If you really think about it, all the life experiences you've had with an ex boyfriend has taught you something about yourself and life.  It has helped you respond better to certain situations that have arise.  It has helped you know who you are and know what kind of man you want and need.  So the next time you see him or think about him you should smile and say "Thank you".  Had you not dated him and broken up with him you would never have gotten to the good place your at right now. 

Life is funny that way, just when things look bad you realize that you have received God's favor.  Kiss him goodbye and move forward.  Just say hey dude Thank you!

As always Happy Dating,

Kimberly

You Slept With a Guy and He Stole Your Stuff!

You can never be to careful these days especially when your dating.  It sounds incredibly ridiculous but this kind of stuff actually happens to women.  I recently had a conversation with a lady and she told me she went on a date with a guy and she decided to sleep with him that evening at her home.  The next morning all her jewelry and the diamond bracelet on her wrist was gone. 

She didn't know where he lived and when she tried to call his cellphone of course it was disconnected.  Now I have to say I did feel angry towards the guy that did this to her but its partially her fault too.  You know I love supporting us women but when you missed it I have to point it out to you. Bottom line it was not smart to have some strange man at your house that you don't know.  It could have been worst, she may have never gotten the chance to tell me that story.  He was obviously crazy and dangerous.  And now not only has he gotten away with her things he had sex with her too.  It's actually a little comical but in all reality you have to have your eyes open and ears alert. 
Please don't let this happen to you.

As always Happy Dating,

Kimberly

Date Night: Not Just For Singles Anymore

Date Night is coming around again.  Every Saturday presents the opportunity to go out on the town with that special someone.  But sometimes we forget and things get stale.  Outside of Saturday I'd like to also propose a little time in between to keep it HOT HOT HOT in the relationship. 

I was just speaking to a close cousin of mines and I was congratulating her on her and new hubbys set date nights.  Their starting off on the right foot. They went to the see the Bulls play.  Nothing stimulates a man after a long day of work than a little Bball to the wood sitting besides his beautiful woman.  She reported later that it was a wonderful evening.  Way to go! 

These special times together are so important when your married.  With all the things that life throws at you it sometimes proves challenging to squeeze in a little couple time.  One way to ensure you and your boo get together for a little one on one is to communicate your schedules.  Then make a clear cut schedule for nights to do things.  If your stuck on what to do or where to go well let me help: 

1.  Wine Tastings -  What a better way to relax after work than to have a calming drink and a long stare into each others eyes.

2. Art Museum

3. Live Jazz

4. Baseball, Football or Basket Ball Game

5.  Romantic Dinner  (Always a winner)

Here are some great venues to try in your search for romance. These venues and restaurant's are for that couple that needs to be jumpstarted to ten because its been a while.  Either way these will only turn the situation UP!  Promise me you wont hurt each other:

• Geja's Café - Close and stimulating
• Girl &The Goat- Sexy and Energetic
• Vera's- Intimate
• Henri- Classy that leads to a Riveting night
• MK restaurant - Romantic

This is a good list to get you started. Need more tips on igniting the fire.  Email me at kimberlyhawthorne1972@gmail.com. 

Good Luck & Happy Dating! 

Kimberly 




   

Dating Married Men: Give Me A Freakin Break!

Because this type of thing happens so frequently we have to further peel back the layers of what kind of woman would start seeing a married man on purpose.  Most women who will date a married man fit into one or all of these characteristic's:
 
1. Low self esteem***************
2. Desperate as Hell*********
3. Has daddy issues and is looking for someone to fill the void. ***
4. Needs mental help such as a Therapist to work through underlying issues. *********
5. Is just a tacky person that has no God in them.  No moral values.   ********

I said on purpose because sometimes these situations may occur with a lie.  There are men who pretend or pose as if they are Single and will even take off their wedding rings to date outside of the marriage.  Here's a tip to a man or woman who cheats.  If you don't want to be married get a freakin divorce and stop musing the area for any woman or man that would be willing to cheat with you.

Okay ladies when you meet a man, you don't just take his number and go out on dates with him without doing a bit of research.  You have to be smarter than the average bear. Its not okay to date a married man or anybody who is married.  Actually if you just speak to the ladies in your social network you can quickly find out if the man who is pursuing you is Married.  It works every time, especially on those guys with particularly large egos and large salary's. Their arrogance is a dead give away and it will be easier to obtain this kind of information.   You probably wouldn't have to make more than a few calls.  Very easy! 

If the loser happens to be married, afterwards you get a big laugh because you get to send him a nice text message like: "How's that marriage thing working for you?"  Loose my number, your a creep!  This will leave him guessing how did she find out?  And probably to move on to the next possible victim.  Ladies don't be a victim! Don't be that girl. It's just stupid!

If more women took social responsibility of these type of interactions with married men we would all be better off. 

As always happy dating with  (SINGLE PEOPLE)

Sincerely,
Kimberly

Facing the Pain

Sometimes in life things that we didn't want to happen occur.  The key is how we decide to deal with the situation.  In most cases we go straight to denial mode because were not ready to face what has happened and we have no idea on how to go about solving the problem. 

There are usually multiple parts of the problem that are like a puzzle all mixed up in a fish bowl if you can imagine that.  This would be a hard puzzle to put together for anybody.  The best thing you can do is focus on what you "can do".  I would suggest writing down all the things that are running around in your mind.  For example if you are going through a divorce, miscarriage, loss of your job or a recent breakup, write down in your journal  for example "Need New Position" and all the different issues that are attached to that issue.  Once you can see what it is your dealing with you can better prioritize what your plan of attack should be.  If your unable to move forward and be productive I would suggest a good therapist to get you moving in your life and your journey. 

By all means if you are grieving a loss of something, there's nothing wrong with spending some time alone and crying it out.  This is normal and you shouldn't be ashamed of that. In most cases it's not just a surface thing that is loss.  There's the loss of a dream such as a baby or a successful marriage.  When these types of losses happen you are in "Survival Mode".  This means your doing everything you can to just survive and be okay with yourself.  Don't worry about what other people think.  You just need to focus on being okay with yourself.  This is how you will escape long term depression, big time denial and fear of living your life.

These things will take some time.  Take the time to rest your mind and body and then get on to the bigger tasks.  By rest I mean sleep!  Get lots of sleep and don't feel bad about it.  One step and one day at a time.  I did it and so can you.

This goes out to all you Survivor's out there!   

Sincerely,
Kimberly

Running Into Your Ex's...Oh umm can you say uncomfortable?

In a city of 2.7 million people your bound to run into an Ex or two.  It's just going to happen.  I personally look forward to the opportunities to run into the few men that I have dated been intimate with.  I believe that no matter what your relationship status is at the time of the run in its really a good thing.  You get to do a quick assessment of yourself and evaluate your growth from that time in your life. Hopefully you find that your a better person and thank God you didn't stay too long at the circus. 

Most women would like to take all their ex's and put them on a forgotten island never to be found again.  Is that about right?  And of course the only reason for that is because the person broke your heart or just was a total asshole.  In my case I have broken up with most people on good terms, with a few nasty ones give or take but everyone's not going to love you on the way out the door. 

If you happen to run into an ex remember, this will be over as quickly as you face it.  Its too late to turn around at the market now.  Also make sure you smile and keep good eye contact this will help especially if it was a bad one.  Give a simple hello, nod and a curt smile and that should do it.  You walk away unscaved and looking like a grown up. 

Leave the scene knowing that the probability of you running into that person again anytime soon is slim and you can go on safely moving through the city. 

Keep your head up.  Happy Dating.

Kimberly XOXO   

Is there anything wrong with a single woman waiting with God? A response to Blood, Sweat and Heels cast member on Bravo

I was watching a new reality show last night called Blood, Sweat and Heels and was a little uncomfortable and surprised with something that one of the ladies on the show said.  It was so terrible that there's no other way to say it than to just say it; so here is the scene:

One of the ladies was doing a video piece on fashion in a fashion market in New York.  The other lady that has a relationship blog asks her friend so how is dating going for you? Have you been seeing someone?  Her response was basically that she was focused on her career and her relationship with God at this time in her life. 
The girl with the relationship blog said " Well God is nice and all but you can't fuck him".  What a horrible horrible thing to say.  How socially irresponsible.  I would think she would know better than to make such a terrible statement in regards to the Lord on national television. 

It's upsetting that this is generally an African American casted reality show and this is the kind of nonsense that were hearing from one of them already.  It's absolutely disastrous!

Just so you know God is everything and without God we can not hope or dare to dream, live, laugh or love.  Read the bible and take care in speaking such things to the entire world.

Shaking my head?????? 
 

Is Your Heart Securely Locked Away?

I woke up this morning with a song playing in my mind that I haven't heard in many years. Its an oldie but goodie and didn't realize how great a message was in the song until my brain downloaded and played in my head like a romantic love sick girl.  It was the song "Have You Ever Loved Somebody" by Freddie Jackson. 

I would really like for you to have a listen to the words of this song.  Is there someone that is exactly what you've always wanted but your so afraid you have pushed them out.  Lets talk. 

I know it's hard sometimes.  I'm talking about taking a chance with your heart.  Of course you know how to take of your heart just fine.  Its the people that you've allowed to come into your life and unfortunately break it.  I understand that whole heartedly however know this, in the dance of finding true love there is a risk factor involved.  Without taking a risk we will never give ourselves the opportunity to find and uncover the man of our dreams. 

Your probably saying, "you have no idea what I have been through.  He really hurt me.  I'll never let that happen again.  I'm sorry that happened to you but I don't want you to miss out on the good stuff that God will send your way to give you stars and butterflies for your pain in the past.

There is a wrong and a right way to uncover what it is you are looking for.  Caution is required and necessary when welcoming someone into your personal space.  This is how were going to do this:

1.  When you meet somebody find out who he is.  And I mean ask questions!  Your job right now is to peel back the layers and find out who he really is.  I need you to be patient because this may take some time.  Enjoy yourself in the process but don't miss the opportunity to get as much information as you can during your interactions.

2.  Do you like who he is?   So this is simple.  By who he is I mean do you feel good about what he does for a living, his politics, is he a sensitive person and is he sensitive to your feelings.  Is he satisfying your emotional needs?  If you like flowers does he bring them? The key is in the details.  These are building blocks.  And if he's the right guy they will become building blocks to your heart.  But you have to do the work, its the beginning and all the other standards I have been teaching you are still in place.  Stay focused. 

3.  Is he treating you the way you "need" to be treated?  Now notice I didn't say "want" to be treated.  Needs are so important and sometimes we look right pass needs to wants.  Typically when we finally get our needs met we end up having fulfilled our wants as well.  I'm speaking about the Core.  Our needs are the Core of every area in our life.  If that's met especially in love we are in a good place.
Everyone needs to be treated differently.  Some women like to be spoiled, its just the way their wired.  Others may be the simplest women in comparison and don't need that to be stimulated emotionally.  But however which way you are wired is the way that man can speak to your emotions.  It's important you keep a journal and find out what it is you "need".

4.  Keep your eyes open.  That guy that is always there for you no matter what but you keep at an arms length.  Its time to really look at him and see how he fits into your life.  If he disappeared today would you be sad?  Would you miss him?  If that's true its time to make a date and allow him to show you who he is and what he may have in store for your future.  Now if you uncover he's not the one.  That's fine but be clear that he is and will always be in the friend zone. Now you can remove him from blocking and truly be open to the right guy.  Sometimes we create borders so that we WONT have to date.  In this case "My Really Good Male Friend".  Don't fool yourself.  If its nothing cut the strings.

5.   Stop making excuses.  Don't trick yourself into being single forever!  Its time to breakout of your shell.  Dust off your fitness membership and get yo life.  Because nobody else can get it for you.  Trim up! Doll up! and get you some business.  There's a man out there with your name on him.  He's just waiting for you to show up!  If you don't he will walk away with somebody else.  That should be fuel to get you going on your road to dating and mating this year.

So with these important points you are well equipped to let down the bars to your heart.  You now know how to proceed in the right way and what to look for.  Know this, you are human and there's nothing wrong with that.  But now is the time for you to have what you want.  Go get it! 

As always love you and Happy Dating!

Kimberly.   

It's A New Year: What Not To Do When Dating

Hello Ladies!

It's a new year and I have to say I was all to happy to say goodbye 2013 and hello to 2014! Do you know what this means?  It means you get another chance to reach new goals and hit new heights. Another chance to WIN!

I wanted to start the year off with a little tough love.  I know you may not want to hear it but its a must if you are to reach your goals of success in your dating house.  I'm going to make this easy so here they are, what not to do when dating:

1. Do not let strange men in your house.  Whether it be to "use the bathroom" or just for a night cap, its a NO-NO.  He could be some nut and you wouldn't know it because you just met him.  He could rape you or just be plain crazy. 

2.  Don't let a stranger for a first date pick you up at your house.  You may not even like him now he knows where you live.  Just not a good idea.  Better safe than sorry.

3.  When you do go out make sure someone knows this guys name and phone number and if possible where he lives and any other important details. 

4.  Don't drink too much on a date in the early stages of getting to know a man.  You want to make sure you are alert and present so that you get to know him and he gets to know the real you.  Otherwise what's the point.

5.  Last but not least and my favorite.  No sex with some guy who you just met.  If you don't want to appear EASY.  Don't be EASY. 

I hope that these are good starter rules to take with you going into the new year.  This year I want you to make some strides and meet some great prospects for a future.  Follow these simple guidelines and I promise you'll thank me later.  As always "Happy Dating". 

Yours Truly,
Kimberly!